From Jezreel to Beersheba

So I was reading 1Kings 19 today, and the Lord showed me a lot of things that I’d never noticed before, and I felt compelled to shareJ

Chapter 19 picks up right after the story of the altars on Mount Carmel, which you may or may not be familiar with. Essentially, Elijah builds an altar to the Lord and instructs the prophets of Baal to build an altar to their god. He then asks them to pray to their god while he prays to his, and whichever one lights their altar first must be the one true god. Long story short, the altar to Baal remains unlit while the altar to the Lord burns bright. The chapter ends with all the prophets of Baal being killed and Ahab (the current king of Israel) traveling to relay the news to his wife Jezebel, a devout priestess of Baal.

Jump to chapter 19. Jezebel is completely enraged by Elijah’s actions and vows to see him murdered just as her priests were. Elijah is immediately filled with fear and “runs for his life” from Jezreel to Beersheba, a distance of over 100 miles (vs.3). He then leaves his servant and travels another whole day by himself, until finally he stops to rest under a broom bush. This is when the story really grabbed my attention. Exhausted, fearful, and completely alone, Elijah prays to the Lord, and he says these words: “I have had enough, Lord. Take my life; I am no better than my ancestors” (vs.4).

So let’s think about this for a second. This is a man who has been following the Lord, performing miracles in His name, and relaying the literal words of God for years. On top of that, he has literally just witnessed the Lord engulf an altar drenched in water with flames! If the true presence and power of God had been made clear to anyone, it was Elijah. So I couldn’t understand why Elijah had fled Jezreel in fear, why he felt he was ‘no better’ than his ancestors, and why he was suddenly so ready to give up his entire ministry. Surely he believed the Lord would continue to protect him? Surely he could see all of the things the Lord had already done through him. Surely he trusted that the Lord would continue to use him for the glory of the Kingdom?

And then I remembered all of the hardships Elijah had endured and the emotional, mental, spiritual, and physical toll these must have taken on him. Elijah had watched his people reject the Lord time and time again. He had witnessed his fellow prophets be put to death until he was the only one who remained. He had spent a good deal of his ministry on the run and hiding in the wilderness. And he had experienced all of this while doing what he believed the Lord had called him to do. Perhaps he had begun to view his ministry as a failure. Perhaps he doubted that the Lord would continue to protect him or use him. Perhaps he questioned if the Lord had really called him in the first place. I can only imagine how exhausted and discouraged Elijah must have felt when he collapsed beneath that bush. Suddenly, the image of him begging the Lord to just make it all stop made a lot more sense.

So, back to the story. How does the Lord respond to Elijah’s grief? First of all, He listens and hears Elijah’s cries, and then He sends an angel. The angel feeds him, comforts him, and allows him to get some sleep, something I’m sure Elijah hadn’t had in a while. And this in itself really spoke to me. I was reminded that we serve a God of love and compassion, a God who is attentive to the groans of our hearts. We also serve a God of peace, and sometimes the best thing the Lord can do for us in the midst of our anguish is to simply give us rest.

When Elijah awakens, the angel appears to him again and says, “Get up and eat, for the journey is too much for you” (vs.7). We’re told that Elijah is “strengthened by the food” and proceeds to travel “forty days and forty nights” until he reaches Horeb (Sinai), the mountain of God, where the Lord provides him with a cave to spend the night. And this is where I was completely blown away. The angel literally admitted that this journey was too much for Elijah to handle. What the Lord was calling him to do was TOO MUCH. But the Lord gave him strength. The Lord provided his servant with everything he needed to make the journey. Wow. Just, wow…

Alright, let’s keep going. So Elijah makes it to the mountain, and finally we see the Lord appear before him, and He says, “What are you doing here, Elijah?” Elijah proceeds to explain that he has followed the Lord’s commands, but the Israelites have still rejected the truth and killed the other prophets, and now his own life is endangered. The Lord tells him to stand on top of the mountain and await His presence, so Elijah does. Then a “great and powerful wind” tears the mountains apart and shatters the rocks, but “the Lord [is] not in that wind” (vs.11). The wind is followed by an earthquake and then a fire, but the Lord is not in those either. Finally, Elijah hears “a gentle whisper,” and the Lord appears before him again and says, “What are you doing here, Elijah?” (vs.13).

I will admit, I was really frustrated after I read these verses. Why in the world did the Lord ask Elijah what he was doing on Mount Horeb? He knew why Elijah was there! He sent him there! And why on earth did He make Elijah endure a powerful wind, an earthquake, and a fire only to ask him the exact. same. question?! After rereading these verses many times, I think I may have initially misinterpreted the Lord’s question. I don’t think He was asking Elijah why he was physically standing on top of the mountain. I think he was asking Elijah what he was doing that had brought him to a place where he needed to be standing on top of that mountain having this conversation.  

So what was Elijah doing that had brought him to this point? The simple answer is that he was doubting. Every decision Elijah had made up until this now was motivated by a direct call from the Lord, but the Lord had not commanded Elijah to run from Jezreel to Beersheeba. This action was motivated by something else. Earlier I said that I wondered if Elijah had begun to doubt the effectiveness of his ministry or whether the Lord would continue to protect him or use him. And I think this doubt and fear is made pretty clear in Elijah’s repeated response to the Lord’s question. “I have been very zealous for the Lord God Almighty, but the Israelites have rejected your covenant, torn down your altars, and put your prophets to death with the sword. I am the only one left, and now they are trying to kill me too”.

That still leaves one question. Why did the Lord call Elijah to Mount Horeb in the first place? He had spoken to Elijah many times before. Why make him travel another 40 days and 40 nights just to ask him one question and then tell him to go back the way he’d come? I think the Lord wanted to test Elijah’s faith, and I think He wanted to remind him that He would equip Elijah to do whatever He asked. Elijah’s journey from Jezreel to Beersheeba wasn’t nearly as long as the one to Mount Horeb (see map), but at the end of that journey we see Elijah collapsed, broken and downtrodden, beneath a bush. Forty days later, after traveling over twice the distance, we see Elijah resting in the comfort of a cave, awaiting the presence of the Lord. Why the difference? Because the journey from Jezreel to Beersheeba was one motivated by fear, while the journey from Beersheeba to Mount Horeb was one motivated by faith.

One last thing I wanted to address is the significance of the way the Lord chooses to present himself to Elijah on Mount Horeb. Personally, I think it serves two purposes. Firstly, it demonstrates His immense power. Despite everything Elijah had witnessed the Lord do, I think he had begun to doubt the Lord’s power or at least His desire to protect him. And secondly, I think it serves as a metaphor for what trusting and following the Lord tends to look like. So often, the Lord calls us to do things that involve enduring terrible storms. But the Lord is still with us, and if we remain steadfast, strong, and faithful, He will appear. It may be only as a whisper in the midst of chaos, but those who are listening will hear.

So what does this story mean to me? Why did it speak to me the way that it did? Why did I feel so compelled to share it? Well, as I mentioned in my last post, the path the Lord has called me down is not one I would have initially chosen for myself. And I have doubted time and time again whether I can actually do this. I have pushed myself so hard for so many years, and I have experienced a lot of feelings of inadequacy, disappointment, and failure. I cannot tell you how many times I have reached a point where I felt like I literally could not give any more, and it still didn't feel like enough. I cannot tell you how many times I have allowed comparison to be the thief of my joy. But I have also experienced the Lord's peace, provision, guidance, and strength. I have heard that whisper in the midst of the storm, and I have witnessed miracles and received confirmation that cannot be explained apart from Him.

But lately, I've really been struggling with feeling burned out. I've just been so tired and lacking in motivation, and the journey ahead seems so daunting and long. But of course, today I went to a Christian Medical Association luncheon where the speaker talked about how the Lord equips those He has called and uses storms in their lives to prepare them for the future. It was all very applicable and true, but at one point he mentioned burnout and said that those who are following the Lord may feel tired, but they should never feel burned out. Now, I realize our definitions of that term may be slightly different, but I immediately began to panic. If I was doing what the Lord had called me to do, then why did I feel this way? Had I misunderstood? Had I made a mistake? Was I going to be a medical school drop out? 

And then, I ran across this passage in 1Kings. What I saw was a man who looked a whole lot like me. He was a man who had followed the Lord but felt like a failure because he wasn't seeing the results he expected. He was a man who felt overwhelmed and fearful of the journey ahead. He was a man who collapsed in the dirt and screamed at the Lord that he'd had enough. He was a man who, to me, looked pretty burned out. But then I saw how the Lord treated Him, how he comforted, provided, guided, and strengthened. He took him on a journey across the country just to prove to him how much he loved him, and all He asked in return was that the man have faith. I felt the Lord saying, "I know you're tired. I know there are days where you don't want to do this any more. And it's ok to not be ok all the time. But trust that I have called you to do this. And if I've called you to do this, then trust that it's never too much for me to handle. Trust that I see the whole picture even when you can't. Trust that you are still valuable and lovable even when you've made mistakes, even when you feel like you've failed. Trust that it's in those weaknesses, that I am made strong." And that, my friends, is too powerful of a message not to share.

I don’t know what you’re struggling with today. I don’t know what doubts and fears consume your thoughts and steal your joy or your peace. But I promise you that the Lord knows. The Lord knows, and He wants nothing more than for you to lay those down at his feet and to trust Him to lead you down a better path. This journey may be longer than the one you would have picked. It may be filled with challenges and disappointments you might have wished to avoid. There will probably be times where you feel inadequate and less than. But on this path you are not alone. On this path the pressure is not on you to succeed. On this path there is a light in the midst of darkness and peace in the midst of chaos. On this path there is hope.